鎺掔悆闃熷憳浣嶇疆鍥?:I, Vampire: Trilogy of Blood
Alright, what is this? Day 241 of 365. I have found a new worse film of the project, by a mile. I feel if as my soul has been gang-raped by a gaggle of Silver Back?apes. I’m not kidding either. Run. Don’t walk away from viewing this garbage. This was the most painful viewing experience of my life. I am not even sure I can continue with the rest of this project. It’s gonna take a top tier film to get my mojo back.
This trilogy is a re-edit of three crappy vampire films (because if you re-edit three crappy movies into one you can make one super crappy version). This is something I had wish I’d known going into it. The first film in the trilogy is a shortened version of Subspecies IV: Blood Storm. Why in the hell would anyone re-cut THAT movie? Seriously. It’s bad enough as it is. Nothing can save it. My eyes felt like they were bleeding while trying to sit through this. This is one of the worst opening “films” in any horror anthology.
The second film is a re-cut of some crap I have never heard of. The biggest excitement comes from trying to determine how many times the boom and / or shadow from the corresponding pole makes an appearance. Basically, it is boring and so loaded with dialogue that I dare anyone to try and stay awake while watching it. This may be the perfect sleep aid. This sucks f*cking bad. Real bad.
The final film is the only one that shows any promise. But I can’t tell if that is because the other two sucked so hard. My ability to judge anything right now is skewed. My guess is if this film hadn’t been gutted and destroyed to fit into the trilogy, that it is pretty solid. Vampire Journals is its original name. I think I will look up it and watch the real version.
Under no circumstances should anyone ever attempt to watch this trilogy. You would be better off having your junk meet the business end of a belt sander.
Snore Factor: ZZZZZ (Countin’ sheep within seconds)
IMDB 2001 (No IMDB because it sucks too hard)